Saturday, June 1, 2013

No Parking My Courage

Half way through the year I reflect on my picture of this year, representing courage. I'm on the cusp of publishing my first novel, although it is not my first to have written. I can't park my courage, now. That lion may lay there in the sun, but I move forward.
I have changed jobs this year and stretched myself not only physically but mentally and emotionally with that. They basically know me only as a nurse. I am not a writer in their eyes. I keep that somewhat to myself, but not a secret. Changing workplaces and styles has taken much courage.
I am a bit scared of publishing. I peruse my numbers on my blog and groan, is my platform enough? Will I make even the initial investment back? Then the pondering of the reason I write. I can't at this time quit. I feel plucky, the little writer who could. I don't fear. That flash can happen. No parking my courage, I have to do this, no matter what.
What will the next six months bring? Book signings with the help of my new writer's support group. I love people but sometimes the cold call aspect of being in the public makes me sweat. Will I say the right words? Will I offend? Courage, my dear, courage.
Courage to look up first, to depend on God. Courage to listen to wise advise and not rush into anything that may not bring the benefit promised. I may have almost done that yesterday with the promise of funding for publishing with West Bow. I have my eyes rose colored on the Christmas catalog, as I glance at my checkbook. I really don't have the money to get started with West Bow. No, I must stick to plan A, to use money made from the free novel printing from NaNoWriMo to pour into Main Street. 
Writers today need to build a platform, promote themselves and sell their product. Courage bucks me up as I ask for people to click on the ads from my blog. You don't have to buy anything, really, don't even have to look at the ad, point and click is all I requested.  From the blitz yesterday, I made five dollars for the month of May. I nervously typed that request, although, I did think it would be fun to see if many would respond.
Back to, Why? Why do I, a shy person, do this? Well, about as shy as Katie was at three, plowing into a room of distant relatives, proclaiming, "I'm shy." I feel comfortable sometimes, but deep down, I'm scared. I sense writing is a gift that I have been honing for years and I must share these stories, still will others deem them worthy? Maybe with some lost of desperation the task is easier? I'm not sure. Writers need an edge as well.
A friend posted on her comments about how much God has worked in her life the last four years. I hope she will share her story here some day. A point of hers is not to look back, but to look up. Courage, I ask from the Courage giver. Here's to the next six months and courage to face what may come. I am not parking my courage anywhere, but forging ahead- little pioneer, me.

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