Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Wordless Wednesday

Big ol' bumble bee

Teddy's Law Tuesday- a day late

Having internet problems this morning before I went to work, so posting this late. From Teddy's Law Facebook page:

I was just sitting here thinking today of Teddy. It keeps running through my head of the pure hell he endured. Some days are better than others. I sit and wish that I could trade places with him. I also think of how his mother failed to protect him and basically got out of 15 more years. It makes me angry that she tried to cover for her boyfriend instead of standing up to that monster. I never have claimed to be a perfect parent but one thing I know is that I would die for my children. Teddy deserved better. He deserved the world. He should not have had to be the adult that he was at 14. He put himself before his siblings. He should have been able to be a kid. This is why Teddy's law started. I made a promise to Teddy when he passed away that we would fight in his name for stronger abuse laws and a stronger child protective services. When will the failures stop?When will the state protect our children from monsters? This is why we will continue our fight. Teddy's death will not be in vain. Thank you so far for the support you have given us.
God Bless
Team Teddy
 No parent is perfect, kids don't come with an instruction manual when born. Knowing the kind of person you are, there is no doubt you would have pulled Teddy out of that environment. Teddy did not deserve the treatment he received, his mother & Zaryl are the guilty ones. We can't fix what we don't know about but through Teddy's Law we can save other abused kids. (MVD)

Thursday, April 24, 2014

In His Hands

In His Hands
Mollie Lyon

Even with feelings I know aren't true
I keep the faith, all through the blue.
The blue days, the blue times.
The blues they call them.
These feelings of depression.
Tired, sore, lethargic, lead in veins.
Today the sun shines
Today I have no pain.
Today with the past I strive,
then the memories to the Lord I give.
The journey tough
The road rough
I made it though
and will continue the climb.
I put forth effort
but in the end
I lay the plans
in His hands.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Monday, April 21, 2014

A Real Hiatus

I am making a decision to not post often in my blog. I'm kind of tired, out of fresh ideas for this medium. I need to focus on my novel writing. I desire to get them written. I found I'm using too much time for blogging.
I never really wanted to look at numbers. Yet, I still peek and use them as a gauge. They have truly plummeted, which makes me wonder if posting is worth my time. I think if I have something that needs to be posted, I will feel it and the message of that post will encourage the one who needs to read it that day.
I still will post on updates and reminders about Teddy's Law on Tuesdays and I enjoy the Wordless Wednesdays. I enjoy writing, but I need to write my stories. I find I need to devote more time to that.
I will notify by Facebook and Twitter when I post. I may only take a brief break, or I may take a long one. When I'm awoken with a post idea, I will follow through. I found myself at a standstill. Maybe I need to live again and not worry about platform, social media and getting something "out there."
I will keep you informed about the publishing process for Main Street, (getting close). And I will work on more novels to follow. As I get into a summer rhythm, I hope to increase the writing again.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Teddy's Law Tuesday

     I think about this face often. I never met Teddy, but this picture, this face burrows into my soul. Whatever I can do to save one more child from any kind of abuse, but especially the turmoil this kind boy succumbed, I want to do it.
My tool now is writing. I'm saddened that not many read my blog, not for my popularity, but to remind about the Teddy's of the world. But the Teddy's Law Facebook page is up to three thousand followers. And I must not despise small beginnings for my voice.
Country will address child abuse. It has been going on forever. As long as there are helpless little ones and bullies, there has been abuse. Rescue who, where, when you can. Call Abuse awareness, child protection, and keep calling if results are not evident.  And as always, keep praying.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Public and Private Me

I must be shaped by the weather I grew up with. We have almost summer weather one day and predictions of snow the next this week. I can't be constant in my actions with the weather. One reason I don't do much yard work. When I would have time, it rains.
Which leads me to this post. My girls pointed out yesterday that I'm always longing (well, complaining) for something else. I'm not happy with the job, so I want to write (and make a living at it). I guess I am looking for that better day, but in the process, I cut down what I have.
I thought of the public me, the one who boosts everyone up, the one who causes faces to light up when they see me, the one who takes in the complaining and shoulders it. One of my spiritual gifts from a test taken years ago is encouragement. The other is mercy. I am forgiving to strangers.
I gather comments and faces internally. I mull them over. I dwell on them as much as I don't want to to do that. I'll make up stuff- imagine that a writer making up stuff.
Someone talked to me about Summer Triangle the other day. She started the conversation, "I'm not one of those God people." Did I hear a hint of criticism? She continued quickly, "but I couldn't stop thinking about her." I listened and said, "Well, I don't know really what I would do either. I'm not Maria."
"She wasn't even angry," this lady said.
"No, depressed some," I thought of my depression when I wrote the book, "I'm glad I'm not there any more."
What am I? I wonder. I change like the weather. I thought I was constant, and maybe I am. How I reacted hasn't changed, I'm just more verbal. The weather disappoints and so does life. But the weather brings bliss, too and so does life. The one Constant, I want to portray in all my life is Jesus. The joy of the Lord is my strength.
What is joy? There is the acronym J.O.Y.- Jesus, others and yourself. A nurse must have this, as does a mother. I learn to put others first. Sometimes a bitterness can arise from that. I'm not Mother Theresa. But I guess even she struggled at times.
So I think about what the girls said yesterday. Did I give so much to others, that they saw my weaknesses at home? The private me digging for refreshing. Finding joy in sharing Jesus in my writing, but still struggling with public giving person, who must build up to go out. I question where is the real me? We are who we are in the dark. Ouch, scary.
David always answered when I complained about going to work, "If it were fun, you'd pay them to go to work."
Yeah, but, shouldn't we have fulfillment in our work? I'm not making widgets, for God's sake. Writing fills my tank. When I can't write, I'm frustrated. Yesterday, I had fun at work. "I'll have to pay them to work, soon, if this keeps up," I quipped to my co-workers.
I, like Paul in Philippines, must learn to be content in all circumstances. He wrote that in context of one of my favorite verses, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." OK, I have that down for my Public Me. I need to work on the Private Me. I guess to borrow from Paul again, that is part of the working out my salvation. Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation.
Strength for the day and joy in the journey- even at home.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I Don't Trust the Weather (or Much Else)

It may be sixty and sunny
But I don't trust you,
Weather that's funny
The wind blows grit
My eyes may get hit.

Feelings lie, too.
I wake refreshed,
then memories crash into me.
And my back smacks me.
The SUV sucks bucks
From an already diminished supply
One blow after another
I can't move.
I feel weak and a failure
I'm fatigued from the fight.
I'm tired of the fight
I'm tired of not wanting to fight
I'm tired of waking to no ambition,
no gumption for the audition.
I don't want to believe anything
It can only get worse before it gets better.
If it gets better.

I don't trust this weather.

a Big Bite
I'm numb
No fight
No fear
No feeling
Just writing and looking at a screen
Words come from the middle
Words that mean nothing
I don't think
I don't feel
I don't trust.
I don't rhyme
I don't chime
I don't have time.
I don't want to put myself out there.

The dog scratches
I neglect him
I must move
I must trust the blue skies
and walk him.
I'll use something of this,
But not today.

I walk.
Jesus and I talk
Chin up
It will be Okay.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Listen and Dance 

God works in people with similar thoughts, ideas and methods in changing times. "Sing to the Lord a new song," worked through my mind and I decided to see exactly where it was found in the Bible. Well, it is in several places, so I connected to this link.
As I mentioned before, poetry has been in my mind and the feeling to write it nags at me. Matt S. writes it on his blog.  . I noticed also that Anita Mathias, a blogger from Cambridge, England, posts in poetry lately. Beautiful, heart felt and deep poems touch my heart often. I identified with her writings almost every time since first reading her blog, but the poems have increased the intimacy.
I heard that when something new is about to happen, God speaks to His people. Look at the songs to announce Jesus' birth in Luke by Zechariah, Mary, Simeon and Anna, all praising God, as they should. And of course, the angels sing, if one is to believe the Christmas carols. Revelation also is filled with singing.
I think God is up to something. Listen to the singing. Listen to the words. Listen to the poetry. And dance.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Wordless Wednesday

The oldest bridge in Hermitage  

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Teddy's Law Tuesday

I reposted from Teddy's Law Facebook page. Another issue brought to my attention is human trafficking. We live in an area ideal for this, living on a state line and we have Interstates 80 and 76. Youngstown has a bus station and train station. Keep your eyes open. I will research this more for future posts, but as with any child abuse, if something doesn't look or feel right, report it. 
March 27
Since December I feel like I failed Teddy. I was trying to do something positive in his name. The media has blown things out of water. Mostly our local media. Me, my family, and Teddy's mother's family granted many of interviews to them. At times, hard. We are grieving. And yet our media has forgotten the real issue. Child abuse exist! All we want to do is make a difference for Teddy. By doing this we protect thousands of kids from the same torture he went through. Vindicator actually gave Teddy's mother a front page article of her excuses. But never put on the front page of what we are trying to do to protect other children. If you go look up Shain's prison picture she is smiling. Hmmm I guess we cater more to criminals now. One thing I know the fight has just begun and we won't stop until Teddy's Law is passed. If you want to look the picture up on corrections website in Ohio her name is spelled Shain Widdershaim. They must have made a typo.

Please Keep Sharing!

Be Teddy's Voice!

Team Teddy
Teddy's Law Will continue to keep focus on abused children & the different types of abuse. Fighting an up hill battle to help abused children is worth the climb. When tempted to give up is when you keep on going & increase the pace. Victory can be closer than you realize but you will never reach your goal if you quit. Goals demand a lot of reaching out! A mission is a journey of purpose - sounds like what Shawn & his supporters are doing! Ask God to lead you, He's good at it! 

I want to share with you an update I received regarding Teddy's Law. We are going through a research period. At this point we are working on getting access to CSB computer system to schools and law enforcement so they are in the loop. So they know if there is an open case. This could have saved Teddy. There's more work ahead. But this is a start. I would like to thank Capri Cafaro for her hard work through all of this. Without her we would be stuck a square one.

God Bless

Shawn Tedesco and Team Teddy.

Monday, April 7, 2014


Yesterday, I couldn't take one more moment at the computer screen in the morning. I felt nauseous, my eyes rolled. The pain in my back took over. So, I didn't write, but laid back down until I had to go to work.
My youngest daughter today woke me with her little girl voice, "Are you going to the doctor's with me?"
I had no idea what she was talking about. I guess a month ago, an appointment made at her initial visit to check on blood work and such done in that month. She thought I had an appointment, too, that we were doctor appointment buddies. She asked me to go with her.
I sit with her in the waiting room. Finally, she is called, but doesn't want me in the exam room. And why did I have to get up and rush? Because my little girl wanted me for a while. Is that what Moms do?
I got off my schedule for writing and my morning routine. I had no inspiration for the blog today or yesterday. My discipline is to write. I have been looking at schedules for some writer's workshops at conferences. I cry a little, wondering if I can go to any this year. I keep writing. And Born to Run album songs play through my head, as I think more and more of writing Iggy.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Hope that Never Changes

Bruce Springsteen flashed onto the scene gaining the cover on the two popular news magazines at the time on the same week. We received Newsweek, at my house and actually, my mother insisted I get the Born to Run album. I was fourteen, my freshman year. Bruce and my boyfriend at the time will eternally be connected in my adolescent memories.
I listened to "Jungleland", the last cut of the album, again. I think of the fifteen year old boy's words sounding a lot like those- "poets down here don't write nothing at all, they just stand back and let it all be." and "he winds up wounded, not even dead." The boyfriend didn't talk much at times, but like a poet, the words he choice spoke volumes, and his silence more. We were just kids, I had no real idea of the talent that waited to be awoken. He drew great cartoons, but the adults at the time seemed to see him doodling only.
Bruce's album was more than music. His words spoke to my poet heart. I wrote poetry early. I was nine or ten, in fourth grade when I attempted the rhyming game without it being an assignment from school. Every summer, I was going to write that novel on the cheap lined tablet paper from the school. I wrote a page or two. This album was more than sing along songs or musical lyrics, like Oliver. The angst of growing up, that I felt I should feel, lived in those words. Desire to leave this Valley never burned in me. I just took for granted I would live somewhere else. Everyone else did, it seemed. I didn't feel that hopelessness. I lived the golden life.
The kids I'm writing about do have that loneliness. Fathers abandoning them. Some don't even know their fathers. The hope is Jesus in my novel. I had that hope as a kid and still do. Some things are different, but some never change.

Friday, April 4, 2014

The Songs Find Me

I got sucked into Youtube the last few nights. I half grinned at Katie the first night and called it research. She drolly said, "Uh, huh." Hence, I'm tired from absorbing a sound, sight and scene for the current novel I'm writing.
I think of the novels I have written or am writing right now. I am getting close to publishing Main Street. Martha is a woman in isolation, who longs to be social. Her husband's hatred keeps her prisoner. I wrote this story in isolation. I feared discovery that I was writing and people would laugh that I think I could write. This fear drove the tense of the story.
Maria in  Summer Triangle possesses stronger beliefs. She is abandoned by her husband, yet she carries on. I had started my blog and proclaimed myself a writer. Maria reflects that in my life.
In Country, a second Gables and Gingerbread Story, I'm in a small hiatus, Christina is full of love and her mother, Irene, exhibits peace in stressful times. I grew into love of writing with peace in the timing of the progress.
Morgan in Last Free Exit, comes of age. She's young, her convictions aren't as strong as Amber's, Maria's daughter. A struggle to remain true to her beliefs is part of the story. She has to leave the security of her twin brother and Christian friends' support, standing on her own, yet they are there to pray for her. My writing needs the support of my friends, even though, my schedule takes me physically away from my writer's support group.
Because Last Free Exit and Summer Triangle are related, I skimmed through Summer Triangle the other day for some facts. I traveled back to some of the feelings I had over a year ago. I am not there now. I rejoiced.
My modern books find a popular song to be the background for the story. I haven't learned too much about copyright and using them in the books. A Beach Boys' song played heavy in ST. Hint, it is the first secular, popular song to use 'God' in its title, and there is something about the 'stars above you.' I heard a song on the radio last week that fits Last Free Exit. A Bruce Springsteen song from his third album, but his making it big one, fit the themes. I watched the documentary about the making of this album the other night, fueling my creativity for the story. Also, I remember getting this album as a fourteen or fifteen year old, for that teen mindset. The idea sparked in the fall when I had a dream about one of the characters, a Jersey boy. The whole album had the feel of that long summer night, where adolescence grows into adulthood. So now I'm watching, listening to all the videos I can about those early years on the Jersey shore for the music- yeah, looking for Southside Johnny, too. The mood and brooding of Iggy playing in my mind. I fight stereotypes, but I can see him in the early years of Bruce, Steve Van Zandt, Southside Johnny, those Jersey shore boys. Not sure how I will capture it all, since so far it is set in 2013, and those boys have long since seen their teens.
I met with a writer friend today for lunch. The winter has been rough, but the warm spring rain revives us. The grass tints a tiny bit brighter green today. Soon life will abound. Good bye pauper spirit. Live the abundant life. And if you write, Happy Writing!

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Wordless Wednesday

No Gingerbread, but started me on wondering about Gables and Gingerbread

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Teddy's Law Tuesday

I have touched before about forgiving the abuser on this post. Read this link about forgiveness. It hit me in the gut. Reading it, I'm also reminded that forgiveness is a process, a journey. We take each step, and like the old game, Mother May I, we may have to take some steps backwards or stay in one place for a time. A favorite line from the movie, The Second Chance, "The crazy thing about the Bible, it tells me I have to forgive you, when I want to smash your head in."  I may have paraphrased that line, but you get the idea.
Jesus invites us to upside down world. He invites us to Life. And He gives us strength to do what He asks. Love one another.