Yesterday, I was floored by reading Marion's (Bugs) obituary. A feeling of reading my father's obituary flooded over me and I found myself, not just shedding a tear, but sobbing. I had been trying to express that the other day in Steel Hunkies, about men who took pride in their work, and loved their families. Thinking of the eleven year old boy left at home, as I was forty years younger than my dad as well, added to the impact.
Life threw me that curve yesterday, because I had planned on writing about Duck Drama I witnessed at the park the day before. Instead, I wanted to pay tribute to Bugs, or Lamp as he was called in his later years. My girlfriend on Facebook wrote very well about him, too. Yes, it is someone our age dying, but I think it was more than that. A pride that someone our age succeeded in life, but left too soon. Yes, we face our mortality, but I have hope that he instilled into another generation the ethics we learned growing up.
We never know what the day will bring. James wrote we shouldn't brag about what we will do on our own strength because it may not be there. We need to add God willing. This is not to be just a tag on, either. We need to listen and follow God's voice and plan. We can't pray our plans and ask God to bless them. Life is full of surprises and disappointments.
I read with joy the pre-school and kindergarten graduations on Facebook. The mothers' comments about what they will be like in twelve or thirteen years when these kids graduate from high school. They are crying now at the way time has flown. I will be denied that as my youngest had too many health issues to graduate with her class. I hope not to sound like a naysayer. I do say, though, enjoy each moment, not thinking it may be the last, but just enjoy the moment.
Gratitude flowed into me, as when this girl participated in preschool, loving it, that I could be observing her. I tried not to live too much through her, but as any mother knows the pride of great performances, it is hard to not love their accomplishments. Two years ago, a friend of this daughter's died in an automobile accident, six weeks out from her graduation. My thoughts kept coming back to me that mother was robbed. This spring, I am thankful, I still have my daughter, but I miss what I had planned.
She will make it. She gets better every day. High school is not the end of the journey, only the beginning. I guess I grieve for many things, but I have also learned to see beyond these circumstances and take joy in the master plan of our Lord. He is with me all the way.
Enjoy the moments, not with anticipation of what will be or may not be. We don't know. We can plan, we must. Yet, we need to be pliable, willing to bend with the wind or duck the curves.