Another day of sleepiness, this time because of sleeplessness between four and maybe six thirty. I can't hardly think. I need a nap before work, yet I put it off. I read a blog on "why" about writing and activities we do as writers. The successful things for one prove to not work for another. He advised us to ask why we do things.
I'm doing soul searching. I grow a bit dismal when I look at my page views. I feel sad when I see no comments. I do get comments on the Face book account, and when I e-mail a post to a friend.
I start talking about one of the real reasons I endeavored on this adult writing career, David and Mary Thompson, the Pierces, James Satterfield. I hop to life. I tingle at the research I'll do. I form stories around what I think happened. I love this history.
I wonder should I write a different blog. A specific one about cooking on a cast iron griddle for a year kind of post. Well, I'm kidding about cooking, but the one topic blogs do gender more traffic, it seems.
I go back to why I started posting on a blog. For my mom's stories to be told before I forgot them. To share my faith. I always want to encourage along the way. I pray a ray of hope will shine through. But what if my ray feels faint, how do I generate that hope?
I can't generate it. The Light comes from above, from Jesus. I need to focus on Him. As I laid awake this morning, but didn't want to leave my bed, I prayed some. Why do I write? I do want to make a living from it, as I grow more weary with nursing. I do want to glorify God and hopefully show some answers to someone's questions.
I think of Elijah when he was depressed. God allowed him to only sleep and fed him by the ravens. I think sometimes, I need to sleep. I need to quit striving. I do strive when I get down, like now. I think I will be happy with writing as my career, but then wonder, if I am ever happy? I am tired. I know I need to rework the last chapters of Summer Triangle, yet feel unable to do so with time constraints and lack of sleep.
I think a twenty minute nap may help. Putting all this in God's hands is the biggest boost. I read posts on Face book. One writer needs a breakthrough. The Presbyterian church posts Matthew 7:7-8 about ask, seek and knock. Beverly Lewis writes "I'd rather write than most anything. If I go too long without getting my words down, I have a tendency to become ill...as if part of me is somehow denied." Oh, confirmation of my desire, too, makes me wish I had climbed out of bed to write. It may not have been too bad.