Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Nightmare I Left Behind

Grandma Evans loved dreams, believed in dreams, had a book on symbolism in dreams. I'm not sure I go that far, but I do try to listen sometimes to dreams, wondering what is the message spoken to me during the night.
One time when I wanted to quit a job because of  my mother needing more of my time, as well as the girls being young, the words for a resignation letter were written before my eyes in a dream. I believed they pointed me in how to graciously leave that job to spend time with my family. I had agonized on how to leave since I did want to stay, but knew I had to move on.
Last night as I was to start my new avenue of health care in long term care nursing, I had more or less a nightmare. I started out with no car or shoes. Now, as dreams don't make sense, I had walked close to forty miles to the north western Trumbull County area of my old territory. I even saw a patient and I had my equipment, lap top and nursing bag. The next visit, another nurse showed up as I was finishing. I asked her if I could ride with her as they had sent both of us in this far off territory. I also had three to see close to the Pennsylvania border. I accompanied her to her patient's home and she drove me farther to my next visit.
Another funny thing about dreams is people can change in them. The nurse driving the car is not a nurse, but someone I graduated from high school and not Ginny. The weather in my dream is a mid March day, bright higher sun, but still barren landscape and cold. We are in farmers' homes, plain, but full of people. The nurse, who is not a nurse, but my school mate, drives a white four door sedan, on a long route to my third visit. I don't even finish my notes, because we are so far from the nursing office and we need to get back. The car had been parked on a slope over looking a large farm pond, the car rolled into that pond, covered by black muddy water. We are stuck in Portage County or somewhere on 519(no 519 that I know of, but it was in my dream). We call triple A and are left waiting. I think of the last three patients I'm supposed to see on my way home and how we are going to put the time and mileage in the computer.
What does this mean? I don't know. Just made me glad for now, I'm not wandering about without a car or shoes. One of the farmers gave me a pair of wooden shoes to go with my denim dress. I hadn't worn dresses for work since I worked at Medi on Sundays. I haven't worn a dress since summer.
I can understand why Grandma kept that dream book by her bedside. Dreams seem real, pregnant with meaning. Do you think the answer may be in that book? I think I have said good-bye to home health and am not looking back.

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