Friday, February 25, 2011

Hesitancy

What keeps a person from writing?  I read Jan Karon can't write until her housework is done.  If anyone has been to my house or knows me, that is not my block.  Ted Dekker has to go to a "cave" and listen to really loud rock music, maybe why his novels are so off the wall.  I know there are as many methods to starting to write as there are authors.
I prefer early morning when I'm alone.  When I first started this quest to be an established writer and was keeping it quiet, I was secretive and changing the setting on the computer if I heard any noise.  I told so few people, because I didn't desire them to scoff at me.  But that didn't hold me back.
What holds me back?  My computer work from the nursing job hangs over my head like a suffocating blanket or worse.  I try doing that the night before I want to write, but most times that doesn't happen, as I scurry the kids from here to there or I get home late and just don't want to face that laptop one more minute.  I resent it, but I do have standards and paying work has to be done first.
I walked into a big name bookstore and see all those titles and doubt fills me.  Why do I think my writing could be popular or sell?  How is mine going to be different than these millions of titles?  Sometimes, I think I can't even get people interested in authors I'm reading at a time, how am I going to sell my own stories?
To whom am I writing?  To paraphrase a quote,"to mine own self be true."  I'm writing for myself.  I love the stories and crafting the words.  I may be the only hit on this blog, but I check it and yes, this is a first draft, not as polished, but I think I enjoy reading it. I really like the way the blog looks so far.  The house is beautiful.  I do find pleasure in writing.
So the other rule in writing is write, write, write, then revise, revise, revise.  Katie loves the revision more than the writing.  I do love when the writing just flows and my keyboard isn't sticking, like the other day...
Which brings me to the other hesitancy, computer problems.  The day after I started this blog, the computer was so slow and the keyboard was sticking, I imagined my writing as stilted as that keyboard.  Just before I finished my first story, the printer and computer needed marriage counseling, as they weren't communicating.  I ended up putting it on a flashdrive and taking it to Staples to have it printed it, but that took me months to accomplish.
Atmospheric, internal doubts, other demands on time and mechanical, techy problems keep me from writing.  This blog is to help me overcome these blips in my road.
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