Monday, June 27, 2011

Sometimes You Can Hide It

I've had pain and being a nurse, you have to hide it. When you care for people, they don't want to know or see your pain, they have enough of their own. I respect that. Children are like that, too. We hide the pain from them. There are different levels or types of pain as well; physical, emotional, spiritual.
It had only been two weeks since my mother had died. I was in a patient's home. She was particularly hard to please, as well as hard of hearing, and had extensive wound care on her legs. Being July, the weather was steamy. I was happy to be leaving. She sadly looked at me, after being mean, confessing,"My family wants me dead." I thought I was going to bawl right there. How we all wished we had another moment with my mother and here was someone, according to her, no one wanted alive. I hugged her and then quickly exited, crying the half hour ride home. I was shook.
Today, I tried, but cannot hide my pain. Saturday evening, after reading on the couch, my back spasmed. I thought yesterday after large amounts of ibuprofen, it was easing. I never had it like this before. Sure, I've had achy backs, cramps, thighs hurting, but this I can hardly move without crying out in a yelp. My last two visits, my pain etched my face. The PTA noticed immediately, as I gingerly hesitated up steps or tried to sit down. I apologized to the patients and as soon as I finished my work, called the doctor's. I can't get in till tomorrow at 11. I'm actually praying it will be better with copious ibuprofen and rest.
Sometimes it is that little moment between wellness and a life change. Please don't let this be one of those moments.
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