Thursday, September 18, 2014

Good-Bye to Jacob, the Schemer

I have to relax. I feel time slips covertly and if I don't accomplish tasks, I lose the moment. The battle will be over and I have lost. Yet, so many times, the choices I make benefit the ideas I'm working. This is more than time management.
I have so many ideas, thoughts and demands. Years ago, the thought dominated my life that Christian girls had to be nice, in other words, religious. I suppose boys got the same idea in church. Be good, follow rules and always think of others above self took precedence over what Jesus really wants. As I study the Gospels more and more, I see Jesus with His face set like flint to go to Jerusalem.
We can't gloss over the cross. Jesus couldn't and didn't. His focus from His birth was always the sacrifice. The sin had to be forgiven for relationship with creation, us, me. He could have stayed in one place, healing, teaching, sending. Jesus had to follow the plan set before time for all time.
In this writing journey, I focus on the goal. I want to sustain myself to be able to have more time to write and research. I also am learning to lean into God and trust His plan and timing. I continually work at writing, but I left the scheming. Or at least I try.
I identify with Jacob of the Old Testament patriarchs probably the most. He started out a deceiver, grabbing the brother's heel at birth. How much of our personalities are developed by our birth stories? I know as youngest, I was considered cute. Yet, being with teenagers, I didn't have all my whims met. I had to get my face washed before going out for ice cream. So I learned, good things come, but there is always a price to pay. I can't get by on cuteness and tears.
With my writing at times, I scheme and plan on what can happen so I can meet my goal. Changing jobs to provide more time to write was one plan. Every so often, I think of changing jobs, but I come back to the plan. I set my face like flint, to write. I want to write. I need to write. I feel I am in God's plan. I should not let anything distract me from the goal of being a writer.
Yet, I relax, too, at what happens each day. A slight change of plan for the day, can lead to some information needed for a story. I often felt that with home health, too. I'd find myself delayed for the time set for a visit and discover, the patient had that call from a long lost relative when I should have arrived. I learned to relax.
This attitude creates a life on a tight rope of sorts. I do need plans. Yet, flexibility and being open to opportunities fit into this life. I need to keep my eyes on the goal of writing. I won't give up, but I hope to not spend hours scheming. It always comes back to seat time of writing.

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